some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She needs sedatives and a leash
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
