DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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