I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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