Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
did i just pee glitter
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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