if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
