OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
