Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
