I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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