My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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