We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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