I think i peed on brittanys purse
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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