So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
