How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Quick, to the slutcave!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
