my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
