the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
