Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
