Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize