K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
