So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
