I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
this is an emotional support booty call
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
