He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
