Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
