If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
