I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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