One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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