roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
