im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
