how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
