just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize