Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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