you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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