Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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