I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
