Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
