Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
