so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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