Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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