I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
