You smell like stripper and shame
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
