I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
