$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
