were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
