great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
