Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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