you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
