Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
