I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
