he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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