if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize