Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize