can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
