Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
only if we run a train.
done.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
50% drunk capacity currently
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
