remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
