were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
