I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
