Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
