it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she woke up with a sticky ear
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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