Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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