I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
