so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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