I want to walk on stilts...naked
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
