Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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