we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
