I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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