but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
