this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
