i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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