Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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