I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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