What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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