very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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